Jamie Bailey

I'm not into books but I've actually got this, but with the other cover. Haven't read through much due to me having so much excitement with new TVs at the moment. Looks like a really good book so far though.

KABOOOOM!!! The Audrey II suddenly exploded just before it could eat anyone (yes, it's that slow), and then… Jamie Bailey appeared. Aaaand that's enough of that. Don't you all go acting surprised to see me, we all know the main character doesn't die… usually. I knew that explosive stunt double would come in handy, now I just need to clean up this mess, bits of plant everywhere! We don't get Wreck-It Ralph over here until February, boooo! I really should get into film piracy, but still, what have I been watching lately? Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (cinema) The lovable zoo animals wreak hilarious havoc across Europe as they join a dilapidated circus! To me it seemed the original Madagascar was more entertaining and successful than it was meant to be, and despite seeming like a one-off success that couldn't be repeated, it's now been repeated twice. Another great sequel that leaves me wondering how many more of these they can pump out before it gets old. I like to move it move it indeed, and... Hotel Transylvania (cinema) Dracula's secret hotel hideaway is invaded by a pesky human in this monstrously funny animation! Now here's another animation, but unlike Madagascar, it actually has a concept that SHOULD be able to hold your attention for at least one whole film. I was entertained to begin with, but it started to wear a bit thin around halfway through. It's okay, but it could have been better. This doesn't have any sequels and it's already gotten old, and makes me appreciate how well the Madagascar series has done. Skyfall (cinema) James Bond is back, but his loyalty is tested as M's past comes back to haunt her. Bond's 50-year anniversary, and at present, this film has been out just over a week and I've already seen it four times, the most I've ever seen any one film in the cinema, which means two things: It's a damn fine 007 movie that's a lot better than "Quantum Of Solace" and... it's high time the cinema put a load of new films on. The new Q reminds me a little of Doctor Who (a show which itself celebrates it's 50th next year), and I half expected him to give Bond a TARDIS and sonic screwdriver to play with, but the humour is present and correct in this installment, and at times, Bond pretty much said what I was thinking. A great 007 movie to mark the occasion. Silent Hill: Revelation (cinema) The nightmarish demons of Silent Hill return for a terrifying 3D Halloween shocker! Despite the description, I was actually watching it in 2D. Still having never played any Silent Hill games, I can't compare this against them, but I just found this an okay watch. Thought it might have been a little better, but wasn't expecting too much, and the stinger after the credits really wasn't worth the wait. Give us some decent horror films!

Oh my god, this place is just one big war between the never-ending flood of n00bies and the oldbies flaming them! This place has gone to hell... again! Why SEGA? Why did you have to release Sonic Adventure 2? Look what you've done! You've damned us all! Oh wait, I'm just having flashbacks, the newbies aren't that bad any more... Oh screw it, let's just blow this place up anyway just to be sure. *Blows up the whole of SFGHQ* You know what? I can't be bothered to clean up all this mess. *Hits the rewind button and unblows up the whole of SFGHQ* *Records episodes of Family Guy over SFGHQ* Much cleaner.

The Dark Knight Falls And the spam goes with him! Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (cinema) Dr. Seuss' grumpy forest-dwelling critter comes to life in this funny, touching and beautifully animated adventure. Well this one took it's time coming out over here. Normally, I find movies based on Dr. Seuss characters always cross the line when it comes to weirdness and just end up being irritating but I found this one managed to be weird without going too far. Not quite Pixar, but still a decent watch and got a few laughs, although this film REALLY wants to convince the kiddies to save the trees and felt like one big advert for saving the environment at times. Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging (TV) (2008) Gurinda Chadha's charming coming-of-age comedy, starring Georgia Groome as a teenager hoping boys will start noticing her and that her parents don't split up. Surprised by how much I liked this, though that usually happens most times I come across a British film. I didn't laugh but I was very well entertained. Date Night (TV) (2010) Comedy thriller starring Tina Fey and Steve Carell as a married couple whose attempt to enjoy a romantic evening out accidentally results in them fleeing from hired killers. Not heard of this, another good film, well entertained and got a few laughs. It was a bit distracting when one woman sounded just like Meg from "Family Guy", sort it out, Mila. Showgirls (TV) (1995) Elizabeth Berkley experiences the seedy side of life as a Las Vegas showgirl in Paul Verhoeven's explicitly sexual cult film. Saw this for the first time back in January when, having never heard of it, I recorded it because of it's director, but got lots more nice surprises than I bargained for. Definitely one for us boys, with lots of female nudity, but even on second viewing, this is still a very entertaining film both when the boobs are on show and when they're not, but I think we all know which I prefer. And finally, my secret comes out, the one film that still scares me... Little Shop of Horrors (TV) Surreal, blackly comic musical starring Rick Moranis and Ellen Greene, 1986. When a young man cares for a seemingly ordinary plant, it quickly develops into a bloodthirsty monster. Remember when you were a kid, when you saw something on TV, then at night, you laid in bed in the dark worrying that the monster could be in your room, about to get you at any moment? That's what this film does to me even now. Yes, the one film that still scares me was not only suitable for broadcast at 5pm, not only spawned a kids' cartoon series, is not only a musical, not only a daft comedy film, not only stars Rick Moranis, who's about the least scary actor there is, but is about A PLANT?! No wonder I hate gardening with a passion. I simply can't watch this without getting that certain feeling I felt watching it as a kid, even though the plant looks so fake now. Of course, that's where the fear this film brings me was installed, during childhood, there was always something about that Audrey II plant, it has no eyes yet knows where you are, it speaks fluent English with THAT voice, it sings, it eats people and... it even knows your girlfriend's phone number. As a kid, I was always confused as to why one of the Ghostbusters (Bill Murray) was at the dentist, enjoying all the pain. The fear is what makes this film perfect for me, the film makes me laugh, makes me fear at night and to top it all off, has one of the best soundtracks ever, it entertains the hell out of me. I'll be hoping there's not an Audrey II in the bedroom with me tonight, or one of Super Mario's piranha plants, for that matter. Once More With Feeling Mmmm... nice... And here we are, 1st August 2012. For six months I've commented on every film I've watched, whether they were good, bad, brilliant or terrible, and this is where my run comes to an end. When I started, I had hoped the topic would take off more and become one all-mighty mass of everyone's different movie opinions and although it did for a while, it mostly ended up turning into a one-man spamathon. So now there's currently a bit of a film drought in both the cinema and what I'm watching on TV, now, at six months, seems like a good stopping point, though to be honest, I'm surprised I've kept it up this long, let alone the fact that I've had zero complaints. And yes, I am aware of the possibility you're all going to post your complaints after reading this. Does this mean I'm never going to post my opinions again? Never say never, if the topic still kicks about, or another one like it surfaces, I may post from time to time, but this is the end of the constant spamming. I hope you've enjoyed it all, you've been... ummm... well, an audience of varying species making strange sounds in my general direction. Thank you and good night! Unaware of what was behind him, Jamie began to step back. He then turned around and began screaming in horror as... he was eaten by an Audrey II. THE END?

End of Days (TV) (1999) Violent supernatural horror starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as a run-down, alcoholic ex-cop, who takes on The Devil himself. Ooh, where did this one spring from? This was a good film, although going by the description, I was somehow expecting it to be more horror-y and have more special effects than it does have, but that's what happens when you gain expectations from a tiny description alone. Batman Begins (Blu-ray) Bruce Wayne loses his philanthropic parents to a senseless crime, and years later becomes the Batman to save the crime-ridden Gotham City on the verge of destruction by an ancient order. Still remember going to see this with my brother when it first came out in cinemas. We hadn't seen any reviews, so went in without much in the way of expectations. In fact, I remember thinking the trailers looked a little dull, so we were really surprised at how brilliant the film was. Just what Batman needed after the madness that was "Batman and Robin". Watching it now, it's still just as brilliant. The Dark Knight (Blu-ray) When Batman, Gordon and Harvey Dent launch an assault on the mob, they let the clown out of the box, the Joker, bent on turning Gotham on itself and bringing any heroes down to his level. There's a pattern forming here and I can't possibly think why. Of course by the time this sequel came along, I had expectations, and still found this brilliant too. Watching it again now, I'd say I prefer "Batman Begins" a bit more as it was the origin story, but this is still brilliant entertainment. It's a bit distracting on the Blu-ray when the film keeps shifting randomly from having black bars at top and bottom of the screen to filling the whole screen and then back to black bars again. And then I waited patiently for... The Dark Knight Rises (cinema) Christopher Nolan's breathtaking Batman trilogy concludes in jaw-droppingly epic style! The trouble now is, after two brilliant films, my expectations probably are too high, so I didn't get the same wow factor seeing this in the cinema for the first time like I did with the last two, but this film is still brilliant and I really didn't feel like I'd been watching for 164 minutes, and that's when you know you've been well entertained. I'm glad I watched the first two again the other day as this film does refer back to them. The Dark Knight Falls (this is not a film) Coming soon to a forum near you... The six-month one-man spamming of this topic will soon come to an end. The secret of the one film that still scares me will be revealed. And. I. Will. Die. (Anyone actually believe this for one second? Didn't think so!) To Be Continued...

I've actually ended up seeing "The Amazing Spider-Man" three times, first time I've seen a film in the cinema that many times. It's more due to it having conveniently-timed showings, it became my default time-killer but I still found it just as entertaining on third viewing as the first, so it's a genuine winner. Katy Perry: Part Of Me (cinema) Pop sensation Katy Perry tells her own incredible true story in a vibrant musical documentary. The description said it all, a 97 minute documentary. Getting any joy out of it just depends on whether or not you like Katy Perry. We got Maggie Simpson before "Ice Age 4: Continental Drift" and before this one we got... a sing-along song from "Grease", oooookay then. St Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold (TV) (2009) Comedy adventure starring Rupert Everett, Colin Firth, Talulah Riley and David Tennant. The anarchic schoolgirls set out to track down some long-lost treasure. This was a good film although I did get a bit bored at times in the middle of the film. Home Alone 4 (TV) Family comedy starring French Stewart and Erick Avari. Kevin spends the holidays with his father in a luxury mansion. Meanwhile, crook Marv Merchants teams up with a new criminal team. (2002) While I was surprised at how much I liked the third film, number four is the one that let things slip. If you're going to bring back the original characters without the original cast, at least get actors that somewhat resemble the original ones, I was quite confused for a while trying to work out if these were supposed to be the original characters or not and at times it felt like I was watching a spoof rather than a genuine entry in the series. This was okay but they should have used new characters. Monty Python's Life of Brian (Blu-ray) Born into a time of chaos and change, Brian Cohen is reluctantly caught up in a new wave of religion sweeping 33 A.D. Judea when he is mistaken for the promised messiah. I've actually never seen any Monty Python stuff before, which may be why I'm not keen to see more. I don't think this was really my thing and get the impression I may have liked it if I'd seen it at a young age, but I was fairly bored throughout the whole film and I didn't even laugh once. Magic Mike (cinema) Channing Tatum does the full monty in a sexy comedy-drama set in the exotic world of male strippers! This was okay but I was expecting it to be better, it felt like it dragged quite a bit. Maybe it would probably be more entertaining if you're into hot guys, but "The Full Monty" managed to entertain me just fine despite my sexual orientation, so there's no excuse. Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World (cinema) Keira Knightley and Steve Carell team up for a funny and touching end-of-the-world comedy! This was certainly better than "Magic Mike", and I got a few laughs from this film. It was a decent enough watch but I still somehow felt it could be a little better, although to be fair, seeing this straight after the last film was unplanned and I was feeling a bit tired and not really in the mood for another film.

Storage 24 (cinema) An alien predator stalks a locked storage facility in this British sci-fi thriller starring Noel Clarke. Ah, now this is a great one, don't normally get sci-fi/horror British films like this. This film certainly likes it's jump scares, with lots of sudden loud bangs, which I not only heard, but also felt, as my friend suffered a string of near-heart attacks (but still loved the film) while I sat there and grinned. It's times like this I realise just how unresponsive my body is. Killer Joe (cinema) A dark, twisted and blackly comic trailer park murder story from the director of 'The Exorcist'. Another great one. Entertained me nicely the whole way through, although it did seem to come to a sudden end just after things kicked off in what felt like a scene in the middle of the film rather than the final act. It was only me and one other guy watching this particular screening of the film, and being an adult film about a killer, I was hoping the guy hiding behind wasn't picking up too many ideas, but I seem to have survived... so far. The Amazing Spider-Man (cinema) The Marvel superhero summer continues with a brilliant re-imagining of the Spider-Man story! The Avengers party is over, but_better late than never, eh Spidey? This is another great film, so that's three in a row, it certainly entertained me well, the only trouble is that the previous Spider-Man trilogy exists so I can't avoid comparing it to those movies and thinking this has already been done. It didn't feel necessary to reboot Spider-Man yet and this new film doesn't feel different enough from the previous films to me. Despite going back to the beginning, it somehow still felt a little like I was watching a fourth instalment instead of a bold new take on the series like Batman had with "Batman Begins". So it's definitely a great film, trying to forget it's already been done is the hard part. Hulk (TV) Comic-book action adventure starring Eric Bana and Jennifer Connelly, 2002. A geneticist's experimental accident causes him to transform into a green brute under emotional stress. I didn't realise this film was a decade old already, I really waited that long to see this? Having watched the sequel a little while back, I assumed the first film would be the better of the two, but in truth, I think I actually preferred "The Incredible Hulk". It just felt like this movie was taking too long to go somewhere and get to what you already know is going to happen, y'know, the part where Bruce has an accident and starts turning big, green and smashes things up? No? You thought it was a rom-com and I've just spoilt the movie for you? Oh dear, never mind. It certainly picked up pace and entertained me well in the second half, but the first half should have been shorter and faster-paced. It may be just me, but I found the moving comic panels-style scene transitions in this film a little annoying, maybe I'm just having an off day. Ice Age 4: Continental Drift (cinema) Manny, Diego and Sid embark on their biggest adventure after Scrat sets an entire continent adrift! We actually got a short Maggie Simpson cartoon before this film, didn't expect that. Somehow it feels like they're constantly pumping out new Ice Age films, yet we're actually only on number four, odd that. Luckily the series has been consistently entertaining and this new one didn't disappoint. Bring on number five!

Chernobyl Diaries (cinema) Six tourists get more than they bargained for in this terrifying new film from the creator of 'Paranormal Activity'. I was rather disappointed with this. Feeling a bit like a documentary rather than a movie, but it just didn't feel like there was much going on in this film. I was waiting for some nasty stuff to happen but the film just didn't pick up. Terrifying? Only if you're afraid of falling asleep. Friends With Kids (cinema) Two best friends try an unconventional parenting technique in this heart-warming romantic comedy. If you're a film, now's a good time to be a romantic comedy in our cinema. With failures like "Chernobyl Diaries" and "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter", films like this, which tend to just be an okay watch, are actually more enjoyable than the stuff that should be my kind of thing. I didn't find this very funny, but at least it was better than the film I'd just watched before it. The Castle (DVD) Even though there's an airport practically running through his backyard, Darryl loves his family's humble home. But when the airport needs room to expand, the government says that the Kerrington's have to go. At the start, I got quite a few laughs and this seemed like it was going to be a very funny film, but after a short while it just fizzled out and ended up being so-so, which was a shame, if only the humour could have kept going. Spy Hard (TV) Spy spoof starring Leslie Nielsen. Secret agent WD-40 teams up with a beautiful KGB agent in an attempt to stop his nemesis from destroying the world. (1996) High on crazy, low on funny. Not sure if I'm describing the movie or myself, but there you go. Not impressed with this one. Speed 2: Cruise Control (TV) (1997) Sandra Bullock and Jason Patric star in this spectacular all-action sequel as a couple whose Caribbean cruise is cut short by arch-villain Willem Dafoe's plan to crash the ship. This was okay, but wasn't as good as the first film and reminded me all too much of "Titanic", which it certainly wasn't as good as. MirrorMask (TV) (2006) A visually arresting, dark family fantasy - part live action, part CGI - starring Stephanie Leonidas as a girl who finds herself thrown suddenly into a surreal, scary world. This one's really weird. At first the weirdness of it all was very off-putting and I didn't think I was going to like this at all, but after a while, I got used to it and this actually turned out to be a good watch.

Cube 2: Hypercube (DVD) Eight strangers wake up in a cubed shape room. None of them seem to know how and why they got there, but they quickly realise that their survival is dependent on unlocking the secrets of Hypercube. Exactly the same concept as the first film, except this one isn't so much like "Saw", but more sci-fi like "Doctor Who", with impossible CG traps and the whole cube being wibbly wobbly timey wimey, which kept this same concept interesting for a second time. I liked this one as well, though with the first film being set entirely in a cube, I would have liked to see more story of what's going on outside the cube this time, and the CG's a bit dodgy. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (cinema) The 16th US president battles the undead in this amazing slice of action-horror! Just to reassure everyone, I'm not making these film titles up myself... I'm getting my cat to come up with them. This was just alright for me, it was a bit up and down. I wasn't sure of it at first, then it picked up, then I started getting bored, then it picked up and so on. Cube Zero (DVD) Cube Zero, the prequel to one of the most successful sci-fi thrillers of the last decade exposes the origins of the cube. Not quite "origins" as the description says, more "behind the scenes". This one drops the dodgy CG and goes back to "Saw"-like traps. It's nice to see what's going on behind the scenes outside of the cube but I was still left wanting to know more. I still like this one, just not sure if I liked it as much as the first two films as the concept was wearing thin by this one. Lay The Favourite (cinema) Bruce Willis stars as a professional gambler in Stephen Frears' colourful, fast-paced comedy-drama. Not much to say for this one. It was a good enough watch, I liked it more than the Abraham Lincoln film, but I didn't laugh. The Five-Year Engagement (cinema) A sparkling romantic comedy about a couple whose lives just keep getting in the way of their wedding! I got a few laughs from this, the rest of the audience got a lot of laughs from this, but I suspect a few were overdoing their laughter. A decent enough watch, then, although I was thinking it was starting to outstay it's welcome towards the end.

Used WinAMP back in the day, don't have an audio program of choice now as I rarely listen to music on my PC, if I can get the speakers working at all. I remember making a Time Attacked WinAMP skin and putting it up for download. I remember Rlan posting a screenshot of something and could see he was using the Time Attacked WinAMP skin. To this day I still wonder how many other people actually used it, or even managed to get the skin working.

Fast Girls (cinema) Rivalries are hotting up as an all-female sprint relay team takes to the track. This movie clearly wanted to be about the London 2012 Olympics without any mention of such an event, instead it's a London 2011 athletics event. The real deal or not, it doesn't matter, I was very well entertained with this and actually wished the film was a little longer as I wanted to see more when the credits started rolling. It's another sporting movie, so plot's not too surprising, but I like this one, and it gave me an excuse to ask "Can we have Fast Girls?". Red Lights (cinema) Paranormal investigators meet their match in this compelling psychological shocker! This one wasn't quite my thing, it was okay but I was fairly bored most of the time and certainly don't want to see it again. Cube (DVD) Six strangers awaken from their daily lives to find themselves trapped in a surreal prison - a seemingly endless maze of interlocking cubical chambers armed with lethal booby traps. None of these people knows why or how they were imprisoned... but it soon emerges that each of them has a skill that could contribute to their escape. I like this, a bit like "Saw" except this movie follows a group trying to escape from the trap for it's entire runtime (except credits). Bad Boys II (TV) Explosive action sequel starring Will Smith and Martin Lawrence as two wise-cracking Miami detectives investigating the flow of drugs into the city. (2003) Good ol' Michael Bay, the first one of these was a great surprise and this one didn't let me down. I've been advised by my doctor to eat more fibre as I've been feeling so worn out, one of the unexpected benefits of doing so seems to be that colour in my vision, most noticeably when watching TV, looks a bit stronger, so this film was an explosion of high contrast and strong colour... then the action kicks in and I feel like I could drown in the flood of colour pouring from my TV, I look forward to watching something that's actually meant to look colourful. This was highly entertaining, though perhaps it didn't need to run for quite so long. The Girl Next Door (TV) Bawdy comedy about a nerd who falls for his new neighbour. The two start dating, but the blonde drops a bombshell - she used to be an adult film star. (2004) Another great surprise, I was highly entertained the whole way through with plenty of laughs. Now if only a girl like that could move in next door to me... The Hills Have Eyes 2 (TV) (2007) A group of soldiers led by Michael McMillian and Jessica Stroup get lost in the desert and are hunted by mutant cannibals. Where the hell did this come from? I never knew there was a sequel. The entertainment was more consistent than the first but I wouldn't say this was any better, I didn't care about any of the characters at all.

Fame (TV) Musical drama about New York's High School for the Performing Arts, where a chosen few battle to the top of their professions. Starring Irene Cara. (1980) I saw the remake of this a while back before seeing this version and wasn't too impressed and thought the original would probably be better. Now watching this version, it's a bit better than the remake, and got a few laughs, but it still mostly dragged on all the way through and I'm left wondering how this could have been considered worthy of a remake in the first place. Rock Of Ages (cinema) The film of the smash hit musical, starring Tom Cruise as a long-haired rock god! Never heard of the musical before this film, but it's another first for me, my first viewing of a particular musical and I actually found myself wanting the characters to burst into song as it was more entertaining than the non-singing parts. When the singing kicks in, it's party time, but the rest of the film, while still an okay watch, just felt like it was only there for the sake of stringing together a collection of classic rock songs. The Pact (cinema) A young woman returns home to confront a sinister presence in this spine-tingling horror! This one took a while before it picked up pace, and at one point I randomly got the giggles, so I'm watching a film that's supposed to be scary, but I'm in hysterics and trying to keep my laughter as silent as possible, that's so me. Anyway, after the early dull period, the spooky stuff kicked in and I rather enjoyed the rest of the film. ill Manors (cinema) Plan B's directorial debut: a powerful, authentic crime thriller set on the mean streets of London. Odd one, this. At a time when we've just had the Queen's Diamond Jubilee and the world will soon be watching as London hosts the 2012 Olympics, it's a time to be proud to be British. Then there's this film, which is a load of violence, killing, drugs and swearing going on in London, not to mention babies getting abandoned on public transport, yeah, this country's great! With a narrator that actually announces "I'm the narrator" at the start, then raps his narration in parts of the film. For what it was, it was an interesting watch, but I wouldn't want to see it again. Red Tails (cinema) The thrilling story of World War II's first African-American fighter squadron. Did he get in the way of Sonic's spindash again? Ahem, World War II type stuff usually isn't my thing, but I like this one, it was actually a lot better than I expected. Plenty of action in the skies and still mostly kept me entertained in between action scenes, which is pretty good going considering how tired I was while watching this, but turned out the film was already on it's final night at our local cinema despite only just coming out. Damn, Cineworld, give us a chance to keep up!

Ended up seeing Snow White and the Huntsman again, I'm sure it dragged on a bit longer this time. Top Cat: The Movie (cinema) The ever-popular mischievous feline and his gang hit the big screen with a brand new adventure. This didn't feel so much like a movie, it felt more like watching an average TV cartoon stretched to 90 minutes, not helped by the animation style. While still being better than South Park's, the animation just comes off as lazy for a movie these days, like Flash animated characters in lazy CG environments, we have current generation games that look better than this. It's okay, but not a patch on the many other animated films being pumped out these days. I couldn't watch this without occasionally worrying if a great big heavy old-style TV was about to be smashed over my head, which I just managed to avoid during a childhood experience of watching Top Cat. Thanks for the great childhood memories, dad! Honey I Blew Up the Kid (TV) (1992) Rick Moranis plays scientist Wayne Szalinski, employed by a multi-national to develop a growth accelerant. But when an experiment goes wrong, his baby grows to Godzilla size. One I used to watch a lot back in it's day along with the first film "Honey I Shrunk The Kids". I'm surprised at just how much I still liked this, don't seem to have grown out of it much at all. Sin City (TV) A film noir style collection of interweaving stories based in a crime ridden city. Bruce Willis and Clive Owen. Certainly stylish, but probably not quite my thing. At times I was entertained but kept getting a bit bored. Silent Hill (TV) (2006) Horror starring Radha Mitchell as Rose Da Silva, whose infant daughter (Jodelle Ferland) vanishes in a town inhabited by zombies. I've never played the Silent Hill games, so I can judge this just as a movie. For a while it was better than I was expecting it to be, but as the movie went on, I found it kept dragging quite a bit, so probably one of those films that would have been better with a shorter runtime. I'm also starting to notice I have a thing about watching horror movies on quiet Sunday mornings, hmm... The Italian Job (TV) (1969) The classic British crime caper movie, starring Michael Caine, Noël Coward and three nippy little minis, all after some Italian gold bullion. Been waiting for the remake of this to come on, but it's still a no-show. Saw this once a few years ago with not-so-good viewing conditions, so it's nice to have a better viewing this time round. This film is surprisingly good for it's age, with character and charm that's missing from many of today's films, and I even got a few laughs from it, which some of today's comedies struggle to give me. The line "You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!" is well and truly stuck in my head and I suddenly want a mini... again (watching Mr Bean on TV had this effect too), which may be an issue for a non-driver with poor vision. You're only supposed to entertain the bloody viewer!

The Fog (TV) Horror starring Adrienne Barbeau and Jamie Lee Curtis, 1980. Ghosts of drowned mariners return to exact vengeance on the descendants of the people who caused their death. I got two of these to watch, neither of which I've seen before so I thought it'd be interesting to watch an old film for the first time, immediately followed by it's remake. While still a decent watch, this is quite slow-going for most of the film until it picks up later on. Looks visually interesting at times, despite looking old and blurry with ropey effects. I like glowing fog, I hope they keep this for the remake... The Fog (TV) Nick Castle, descendant of a seaside town's co-founder, finds that he and his girlfriend Elizabeth are being haunted by some vengeful ghosts. (2005) Aw, what happened to my glowing fog? A lot of the colour seems to have been replaced by manky green in this version, but otherwise, I can't complain, this version was consistently entertaining the whole way through and with much improved special effects. Maybe due to not having any long-time attachment to the old version, but if I was going to watch one version again, it would definitely be this newer version. Barb Wire (TV) Futuristic action adventure starring Pamela Anderson and Temuera Morrison, 1996. A sexy freedom fighter risks her life to help smuggle an underground resistance leader over the border. There's only one reason to see this film, and that's Pamela Anderson. The rest of it? Nah, just Pamela, unless you're not into sexy girls, then don't bother watching the movie. Prometheus (cinema) A space mission leads to a terrifying encounter in Ridley Scott's extraordinary return to science fiction. Or to the people who send out e-mails to Cineworld Unlimited members, this film is also known as "Prothemus", but to those same people, I myself now seem to be known as Rachael, riiiight... I went into this with rather low expectations, not knowing just how involved this film would be to the "Alien" series, reading some of the not-so-positive reviews and knowing the film was directed by Ridley Scott. After his "Robin Hood", a film I didn't have to see, the trailer alone bored me to death, I was left with the opinion that Ridley's well and truly past his sell-by date, so I was surprised that this was much_better than I was expecting. I had to go in accepting there's no Ripley this time, and it takes quite some time before it feels like the movie is really going somewhere, but it picks up and there's no mistaking which film series this is a part of. There were moments when the film almost felt like a remake of the original "Alien", perhaps the film should have been titled "Alien Begins" because that's what it felt like I was watching during the later half, the "Alien" equivalent of "Batman Begins". Maybe the film could have done with a little more originality to separate it from the original "Alien", characters a little more likeable and going somewhere with the plot faster, but considering I was expecting an absolute snooze-fest, I was very happy with this and found it interesting to see what happened before the original film.

What To Expect When You're Expecting (cinema) An all-star romantic comedy about the joys - and surprises! - of impending parenthood. I was sat alone in this one with a mostly female audience way behind me (do I really smell that bad?), which is just as well because I didn't really laugh at this film but they all got a few laughs from it. It was a fine enough watch, but this definitely seems to be one made purely for the ladies. Moonrise Kingdom (cinema) Bill Murray and Bruce Willis star in Wes Anderson's brilliantly quirky tale of the hunt for two missing children. Yeah, I had to get my head round the "quirky" style of this film. Once I managed that, it was an okay watch, but I did find myself drifting into space a few times. I actually preferred the girly film I had just watched before this. Snow White And The Huntsman (cinema) Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth star in a thrilling action-adventure makeover of the classic fairytale. Mum's been waiting months to see this, and luckily for her, her opinion of this movie is much more positive than mine. I drifted into space a couple times, but it's a decent watch. Certainly an improvement on the previous two films I'd just watched, but kinda felt like an excuse to put some special effects on the screen. It's good enough, but a Walt Disney classic this ain't. The Hills Have Eyes (TV) (2006) Ted Levine stars as the head of a family stranded in the desert where flesh-hungry mutant monsters wait... This film kept switching from one extreme to another, things are quite dull when it's just the family on screen, but then the entertainment kicks in whenever there's danger and the freaks show up. Nice bit of gory horror, just what I needed on a sleepy Sunday morning. The Astronaut's Wife (TV) Sci-fi thriller starring Johnny Depp and Charlize Theron, 1999. When an astronaut returns from a routine mission, his wife feels he is a changed man. Eeerm... well at least this movie is a lot more consistent, it's just a shame that it's consistently dull. ZZZzzz...

Ended up seeing The Dictator again as mum decided she wanted to see it, then straight afterwards we saw... Men in Black 3 (cinema) Alien-battling Agents J and K return for a hilarious time-travelling adventure to save the Earth After MIB 2, I'm surprised they didn't just reboot the series, and after seeing MIB 3? I'm still surprised they didn't just reboot the series. This new one keeps exactly the same kid-friendly feel as the first two, so some of the old appeal has probably just worn off because I'm older now, in fact, I'm twice the age I was when the first MIB movie came out, but I still expected more laughs. It's definitely better than MIB 2 and I like the time travel plot, mixing time travel with aliens reminds me of Doctor Who, but as nice as it is to see Will Smith and (partly) Tommy Lee Jones back in their roles, I'd have liked to see a slightly fresher take on this series, it just doesn't feel like it's moved on much. The Wedding Singer (TV) Romantic comedy about a singer working on the wedding circuit in the 1980s. He is distraught after being jilted at his own wedding, but a waitress soon catches his eye. (1998) Now here's one of those films I've waited far too long to see, but unlike "Total Recall", which lived up to my expectations and then some, this one royally failed to live up to my long-time expectations because I didn't laugh, at all, not even once. To be fair, it isn't a bad film at all, it entertained me well enough and I'd probably have felt much more positive about it if I hadn't waited so long to see it, but I just simply didn't laugh at all, and for a comedy, that's failure. The Last Mimzy (TV) (2007) Family sci-fi drama. Siblings find "toys" which have been sent from the future to pass on a crucially important message for mankind. But can the children cope with the task set them? Well, you certainly get to hear some odd noises in this one. This was a decent enough watch for me, but the film seems to be aimed more at kids than anyone else, and I'd imagine this being great for them. The Road (TV) In a post apocalyptic world, a father and son fight for survival, battling cold, hunger and cannibals. Starring Viggo Mortensen. Now this must be a new record for me, I stopped watching this after just fifteen minutes, it was just too dull. I usually give films a good chance as sometimes they pick up after a while, but I was hating this one so much already, I really didn't want to wait and find out. Little Miss Sunshine (TV) (2006) Films for Life: Oscar-winning comedy with Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette and Alan Arkin, who set off on a road trip so their daughter can attend a beauty pageant. And this is a perfect example of one of those films that picks up after a while. I wasn't too sure of this at first, but once it got to the road trip, the film just kept getting better as it went along, and eventually even gets funny later on. A great surprise. Picture Perfect (TV) (1997) Jennifer Aniston stars in this romantic comedy as an advertising designer who's life goes awry when she fakes her engagement to a wedding photographer (Jay Mohr) to get a promotion. Not much to say for this one, not very funny but it's a pleasant enough watch.

The Dictator (cinema) Sacha Baron Cohen returns as the world's most appalling tyrant in this hilarious new comedy! I liked Sacha Baron Cohen when he used to play Ali G, but I didn't find "Borat" or "Bruno" as funny as I was expecting, so I'm surprised at just how funny this film is, and the laughs managed to keep coming all the way through the film. I just wish this was longer as it's only 84 minutes, but perhaps it was better not to stretch it too far, as what's here was highly entertaining. With The Dictator's short runtime, I managed to time it up perfectly to come out of one cinema screen at the end of the film and go directly into another just in time to watch... The Raid (cinema) The battle is well and truly on in this breathtaking blend of eastern martial arts and western action cinema. If I was handing out awards, this movie would win "Best film I didn't understand". Being an Indonesian film, plus the fact that I don't get on well with subtitles, and watching this on the cinema screen without my beloved TV remote control allowing me to pause and rewind (believe it or not, I almost reached out for my remote at one point when the music faded out in a way that, on TV, would usually indicate an ad break is about to start, old habits do die hard), I had no chance of keeping up with the subtitles in this, and squinting to try and read them with my poor eyesight was giving me a headache so I had to stop trying for the most part. Luckily for me there wasn't too much plot to follow, and there was so much action that I never got bored or fed up. It kinda was like watching a game, at one point it was almost like watching Call of Duty, then it all goes martial arts mental. Just a shame I wasn't getting the full understanding of it... and that the cinema made almost every effort not to advertise the fact that this isn't an English language film. The Love Letter (TV) Romantic comedy. A love letter is found in a sleepy New England town. No-one knows who it is meant for, causing great curiosity. Kate Capshaw stars. (1999) My recording for this was 84 minutes long, the same length as "The Dictator" and broadcast on BBC One, so no ad breaks. This time, however, 84 minutes felt waaay too long as I was mostly bored watching this, the film just didn't feel like it was going anywhere and never really managed to pick up pace. The word "sleepy" is quite accurate, now I just need to work out why they also used the word "comedy" in the description, maybe I slept through the jokes without realising. Wedding Crashers (TV) (2005) Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn gatecrash weddings in order to pick up women while they're at their most romantically vulnerable in this romantic comedy. Ah, now this is a much better romantic comedy, I like this one. No sleeping here as this one entertained me the whole way through with quite a few laughs. Crocodile Dundee (TV) (1986) Films for Life: Paul Hogan plays Crocodile Dundee, the fearless Australian outback hero who takes on the wilds of New York in Peter Faiman's Oscar-nominated comedy. I think I probably did watch this at a young age, but didn't remember it. Despite my lack of memory, it's actually a good film, found Crocodile Dundee quite an interesting character to watch. Got a few small laughs but didn't find the film that funny. Crocodile Dundee II (TV) (1988) Paul Hogan returns as Mick "Crocodile" Dundee, using his bush skills to save his journalist girlfriend (Linda Kozlowski) after she's kidnapped by a drugs baron. Yep, a Dundee double. This sequel started very well, I was finding it more entertaining and more funny than the original, especially the scene with the suicidal guy about to jump off the side of a tall building, but as the film went on, it slowly got less entertaining and less funny. I was rather bored by the end of the film, at least the first one was consistant. One other issue... after watching these two films, I now want a can of Foster's lager.

Spiderman was obviously too lazy to get out of bed, and he's only concerned about his own movies, screw teamwork.

Starman (TV) John Carpenter's romantic sci-fi drama, starring Jeff Bridges as an alien who takes on the appearance of Karen Allen's dead husband to escape from pursuing authorities. (1984) Odd one, this, never heard of it. It couldn't consistantly hold my attention, it constantly went through stages where I'd find it entertaining and stages where I'd find myself drifting into space, but I did get plenty of laughs from the alien character as he tries to learn the English language and human way of life. The 40-Year-Old Virgin (TV) Comedy starring Steve Carell and Catherine Keener, 2005. A 40-year-old electronics store worker desperately tries to lose his virginity. I liked this one, kept me entertained nicely. Got a few laughs from this film but I'm actually surprised I didn't laugh more, it certainly looked like I should have laughed at more of the jokes in this film, maybe my sense of humour was having a sleep. Nurse Betty (TV) (2000) Renee Zellweger stars as a waitress who, in shock after her husband's murder, believes she's engaged to the star of her favourite soap. Never heard of this film, but it seriously reminded me of an episode of "Quantum Leap" in which time-traveling main character, Sam Beckett, "leaped" into the life of an actor of a TV soap doctor, only to be kidnapped by a crazy female fan who couldn't separate fiction from reality. So it was interesting just to see the comparison and kept me entertained nicely, and Morgan Freeman's in it too, which tends to be a good thing. Salmon Fishing In The Yemen (cinema) Ewan McGregor stars in a romantic fable about a scientist recruited for a crazy scheme to bring fly-fishing to the desert! Went in knowing practically nothing about this film, turns out it's one of those British films, which usually tends to be a good thing but I'm not so impressed on this occasion. Most of the humour failed to make me laugh, it was an okay watch to kill some time but not really my thing, I was expecting a lot more fishing. Marvel's Avengers Assemble (The Avengers) (cinema) Thor, The Hulk, Iron Man and captain America team up in the ultimate Marvel superhero spectacular! Right, now the trouble with this is that I've heard too much of this "it's the best movie ever!" nonsense, so this had to be something pretty special in order not to disappoint, but you know what? It actually is a brilliant movie, certainly not "best movie ever", unless you're a massive Marvel fan, then I'm sure this is all your Christmases rolled into one. Having all these superheroes together in one movie certainly ups the entertainment factor, with good amounts of humour and plenty of action, but never too much action, I was certainly never bored. I was surprised at how funny the Hulk was, I definitely found him more entertaining here than in his solo movie sequel "The Incredible Hulk", though I've still yet to see "The Hulk" that came before it. Yep, let's have another one of these please, Marvel.

Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists (Band Of Misfits) (cinema) Walk the plank with Hugh Grant's Pirate Captain in a brilliant animated adventure from the makers of Wallace and Gromit! According to the cinema website, this movie has a runtime of 88 minutes, which is a somewhat appropriate number because I think we must have time traveled while watching this. That 88 minutes flew by and felt more like 30 minutes, if that, and that has to be the sign of a great, highly entertaining film. Aardman are like the UK stop-motion animation equivalent of Pixar, every film I've seen from both studios has been great, full of imagination while at the same time being well suited for both kids and adults, it's just a shame Aardman can't pump films out faster. The only complaint I have here is that this film failed to make me laugh anywhere near as much as I expected, but I can't argue when a film makes time fly like this. The Lucky One (cinema) Heart-throb Zac Efron stars in a powerful story of love and destiny This is where the random stuff begins. Despite initially giving the impression there was going to be a bit of action in this film by starting off with a sequence following marines during a raid, this is actually a very peaceful love story. The film just plods along nicely without ever getting too dramatic apart from a scene near the end. Certainly not one to watch when you're in the mood for action or excitement, but luckily I was in the mood for a peaceful sit down and this suited just nicely. Jeff, Who Lives At Home (cinema) Quirky comedy about an aging slacker who sets out to discover his destiny! Oh dear, I found this rather boring and unfunny. The scenes following Jeff's mother at work were more interesting than those following the main character himself. By coincidence, an old friend walked in while I was waiting for this film to start and he seemed to agree this was boring. Disappointing. Dark Shadows (cinema) Johnny Depp stars as a 200-year-old vampire in Tim Burton's fantastic gothic comedy! After seeing the trailer for this which made the film look aweful, it's actually better than I was expecting, although to be fair, it only had to be more entertaining than "Jeff, Who Lives At Home", which isn't really a hard task. I was expecting this film to be full of over-the-top unfunny silliness, but it was actually more serious than I expected, but never too serious, with daft comedic moments here and there, although I didn't laugh myself, kids in the audience got quite a few laughs from it. A decent enough watch for me, but nothing special.

Ray Oscar-winning drama starring Jamie Foxx and Kerry Washington, 2004. The turbulent life story of blind musical genius Ray Charles. My knowledge of music is utterly appalling, I've heard many songs in my life and never known the titles or who sung them, likewise, I've heard of many famous singers and bands but never known which songs they're famous for, Ray Charles was one of them. By coincidence, this film gets broadcast at a time when I'm wondering just who is Ray Charles? So going in not as a fan, and knowing this is based on someone's life, I wasn't expecting too much. Right at the start, I hear a familiar tune and got a feeling I was going to like this one, and certainly wasn't disappointed, this is actually a fantastic movie. The life story of Ray Charles actually made rather interesting viewing and I was gripped the whole way through, a great surprise. Walk the Line (2005) Joaquin Phoenix plays Johnny Cash, and Oscar-winner Reese Witherspoon plays June Carter in James Mangold's acclaimed biographical film about country music's legendary "Man in Black". Yes, another movie about a singer's life, except this time it's Johnny Cash, someone who I'm a little more familiar with due to my brother being a bit of a fan. Watching this after "Ray", it had a tough act to follow but this is also a great movie, although in a couple spots I did find myself drifting into space. STOP PRESS! JAMIE BAILEY TO LIVE IN LOCAL CINEMA Well, almost, I've got hold of a 12-month Cineworld (our local cinema) Unlimited pass on a good deal, so I can see as many films as I want, as many times as I want throughout the upcoming year without paying anything more, well, unless I want to see something in 3D, which would still cost me £1.50 each time, gits._So as well as TV recordings, I'm taking my random movie-watching habits to the cinema, so I'll be able to comment on the bang up to date stuff, as well as moan when I inevitably get sick of watching movies. With the way things worked out with obtaining said pass, I ended up with a mad rush, but got down to the cinema in time to catch their final showing of... The Hunger Games (cinema) There can be only one teenage survivor in this thrilling televised battle set in a cruel future USA! Ooh yes, you almost got away from me, my lovely. A cracking way to start my new cinema run, I liked this. I've never read the book this is based on, so I actually found that a lot of the time, this film had much less of a sci-fi feel than I was expecting, instead I find myself watching a girl with a skill for archery trying to survive a televised killing free-for-all going on in a forest. Watching a series of Big Brother will never be the same again, I want housemates to start killing each other from now on. Great movie, very entertaining. Puss in Boots (cinema) The swashbuckling legend of Shrek's feline friend is revealed in this animated comedy spin-off! Now here's a movie I didn't think I'd get to see for a couple years, but the cinema brings back a few kids' movies for cheap on Saturday mornings. I was a little unsure of this at first, it had a more "Zorro" feel instead of Shrek's fairytale/party feel, but then Humpty Dumpty turns up and sorts that out. After a short time, it picked up and was actually a great movie, although I didn't laugh as much as I expected to. American (Pie) Reunion (cinema) Older but none the wiser, the American Pie gang are back for more outrageous comedy exploits I think I saw the first three American Pie films back in their day, though I remember hardly anything of them now, apart from the pie thing, I remember that. So the whole reunion thing with old friends bumping into each other wasn't as effective for me as it would be for someone more familiar with the earlier films, but I hadn't planned on seeing this beforehand, I was killing time with my mother and the showtime for this was the most ideal._But despite my lack of memories, this was actually rather funny and still a great watch, but I'd definitely recommend going in with a good knowledge of the earlier films.

I think at the time it came out, I found Sonic '06 more appealing than it should have been due to the excitement of it being OMG NEXT GEN SONIC!!!1!!1. Despite every frustration the game threw at me, despite every odd design decision (odd looking Sonic kissing a human, giving the game the same title as the original) I still wanted to play it as it was still Sonic with next gen graphics, though I remember the hub world as looking rather last gen, my brother even commented on how it looked like PS2 graphics as I was running and jumping around the town. But since I finished the game (and used a guide to find all those coins) and the new gen excitement wore off, I've never fancied playing it again. So it was okay for me at the time, but I'd be very disappointed if they made another game like '06 now.

Wayne's World (1992) Mike Myers and Dana Carvey play the hosts of Wayne's World, a cult cable show. But slimy TV executive Rob Lowe has plans for the programme and for the babelicious Tia Carrere. Wayne's World! Wayne's World! It's party time! Excellent! Surely this has to be the most memorable forgettable film ever? Turns out I didn't remember this film as well as I thought I did at all, of course I remembered the Bohemian Rhapsody head banging, but I really didn't remember these guys talking to the camera so much, I didn't remember the film having three endings and I certainly didn't remember Sonic 1's Star Light Zone making an appearance on a TV screen at the very start of the film. Even though the film's budget couldn't even afford a fourth wall, and the fact that I didn't find the film as funny as I had remembered it being, it's still an alright watch, it just feels really odd these days watching Mike Myers play a character that isn't Austin Powers. Miami Vice Update of the 80s crime series starring Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx, 2006. Two detectives team up to take on a drugs ring but one of the partners finds himself increasingly conflicted. I'm not familiar with the series this is based on so I can't compare the two, but this film absolutely bored me to death. Maybe it needed more 80s. Magicians Comedy starring David Mitchell and Robert Webb, 2007. Two warring magicians attempt to patch up their differences to win the biggest prize in magic. Despite living here in England, it feels rather odd when I come across a British film as I'm so used to seeing American films, but when I do come across a British film, I usually find I like it, which also holds true for this film. Pleasantly surprised and got plenty of laughs from this one. Suck my wand? Sphere Science fiction thriller starring Sharon Stone and Dustin Hoffman. A mysterious sphere is found in a spaceship on the ocean bed, and it soon proves to have disturbing powers. (1997) Never heard of this. For quite a while I was finding this incredibly boring. It was a film I really had to stick with as it's pace did eventually start to pick up, and when it did, there was certainly a deep sea "Alien" vibe to the film. As if some of the sets weren't reminding me of "Alien" enough, some scenes felt like underwater-themed variations of those in "Alien", the film even had a meal time scene where I pretty much expected an alien to burst out of Samuel L. Jackson's chest. So the film starts dull but definitely gets more interesting as it goes on, but felt like it ran a bit too long due to it's slow start, and reminding me all too much of a sci-fi classic didn't work in it's favour either.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets Adventure sequel. Treasure hunter Benjamin Franklin Gates (Nicolas Cage) seeks to discover the truth behind the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. (2007) Around Christmas time I watched the first one of these and was very surprised as I wasn't expecting it to be anywhere near as good as it actually turned out to be. This second one seemed to take a little while to get going but picked up after a while, although I still preferred the first one. Jungle 2 Jungle (1997) Tim Allen plays a Wall Street high-flyer who must divorce JoBeth Williams. But first, their teen son, raised in the South American jungle, wants to taste the delights of New York. Ah, so this is why I have an odd obsession with the idea of eating my cat... Here's one I used to like watching back in it's day. I still find it a decent watch, got a few laughs, though I don't find it as funny as I did in my teenage years. Total Recall Sci-fi action thriller starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rachel Ticotin, 1990. A seemingly ordinary man discovers some surprising things regarding his true identity. FINALLY! Back in my school days, my friends used to mention this film and until now, I've never seen it. I got my recording box in July last year and I've been waiting for this to come on, especially knowing there's a remake coming, any normal person probably would have just bought the blinkin' DVD, but me? Nah, I'm far from normal._ So considering I've waited two decades, two thirds of my life so far, to see this, I thought there'd be no way it could live up to my expectations and braced myself for a complete letdown._I was entirely wrong, I loved it, and not just because of the woman with three boobs, although I am now obsessed with the idea and want all women to have at least three boobs from now on, niiice. This is one film I can't imagine Hollywood being able to properly remake. No matter how good an alternative the new one turns out to be, the remake simply won't be the same experience (though it looks like they're going for a different feel anyway), and I say that after only one viewing, so let's just hope the new one's a good alternative, then. Slither (2006) Horror. Nathan Fillon plays a small-town police chief faced by deadly bloodthirsty slugs which are turning the local townsfolk into aliens. Well, this wasn't what I thought it was going to be at all, I was expecting it to be one of those serious modern horror films that tries to be scary but isn't. Turned out it's more like a slightly daft and cheesy retro space creature movie that ended up being more funny than scary. The moment the space creature took control of Grant's body was when I knew I certainly wasn't watching a serious film. Up until he mutated too far, possessed Grant's movement and behaviour was hilarious, like intentionally bad acting, and the part where he was at the supermarket buying meat had me laughing in a way that even the funniest comedies can't usually manage. Maybe it was so funny because it was completely unexpected, but this was a good surprise for me.