Pheonix Gamma

I told ila I was leaving SFGHQ but I wanted to stop by one more time to complain. Cause I'm really good at that The music is so abysmal that they're using Michael Jackson's spinning corpse to drill for oil. Seriously. That's the shittiest fucking music I've heard in a video game since that one time I played my cousin's copy of Rocket Power on GBA. This stuff sucks, and whoever composed it should be demoted to Janitor. The level design is bland. Any of these levels could be reskinned and called something else, save for the torch level, which sucks anyways. Even the bosses are just lame versions of the old bosses. There's not a single new idea in any of them. None. There's zero creativity in this game. Meanwhile, I'm halfway through Kirby's Epic Yarn, and every level has blown my mind. The graphics are crap. There's no reason for this to be on new hardware. Backgrounds are prerendered and Sonic being 3D is unnecessary; it's only really utilized once, and it for a cheap effect that lasts a few seconds. You can even compare the "You Won!" screens from Sonic 1 and this, where Sonic's pointing at the screen: Sonic 1's Sonic is practically jumping at you. Sonic 4's...well he's there I guess. Nothing takes advantage of the new hardware in the slightest. I remember playign Klonoa 2 and shooting through all the backdrops. That shit was crazy. This is tame. The homing attack isn't needed. Sega must think I'm borderline retarded to give me a homing attack and a giant red target. Fuck you. It doesn't even work right all the time. Sometimes he'll randomly shoot at thin air when there's nothing around. Sometimes he'll shoot offscreen at something I didn't see, cause the fucking camera is zoomed all the way in. Oh, and playing this on a 4:3 TV is just miserable. I didn't move my Wii to the HD TV in the living room, but I don't care. This sucks. Sonic uncurls when he rolls off a ledge, too. No, fuck you video game. I rolled off the ledge. Keep me in a ball. I rolled off the ramp. Keep me in the fucking ball so I can kill the enemies without using your shitty fucking homing attack, you patronizing fuckhead. The worst part is that this game isn't even awful. It's just mediocre. Sega can't even properly disappoint me anymore. At least with Unleashed I could laugh at the shitty Werehog:Hedgehog game ratio and retarded concepts. This game can't even give me that. It just makes me bitter. Sega made a Sonic game that functions...and that's it. Congratulating Sega for that is like congratulating your grandparents for going a whole day without shitting themselves; everyone else can do it too, now hurry up and die. $15 for a fraction of a C- game (at best) is a joke. Fuck you. I had some optimism for Sonic Colors, but I really don't care about this franchise anymore, and Sega's spoiled pretty much any good will I had towards them

Depends. Some people feel sad realizing they dumped a huge chunk of their library. Then again, I haven't paid for a game in...a really long time. If you aren't emotionally attached to those games, yea, the DS is pretty much the best thing to happen to me since that time I got to second base while playing Dynasty Warriors 3 without anyone else in the room noticing. Wait, what were we talking about? Oh. Right. The DS' library is fucking huge and packed with so many great stuff. You're looking at, what, 6 years of greatness? Okay, 4 and a half, but it's still a gigantic library. Aero! Make sure to give The World Ends With You a spin! Oh! Oh! And Mario and Luigi 3! You can skip the second one (not very good, and not important), but the third one is terrific. That game ranks among my favorite RPGs, ever. If that game was a woman, I would date it, fuck it every night, marry it, get a divorce, then beg it to take me back.

Panty and Stocking premiered this afternoon. Haven't actually laughed out loud at an anime in a long time. Fantastic animation too. Pretty western too, from the 30 second intro to the "two shorts in one half hour" structure. Gainax, you've done it again. Only show that I plan on watching all the way through this year. First short doesn't get good till the final fight, second one starts off great and just keeps ramping it up. The police chase is pretty hilarious. Bonus points if you spot the Thelma and Louise reference.

Or you could ask the Norwegian King to change it! Though he's not very partial towards Sonic...

Too many remakes and ports. Not enough new games to justify $300 yet. The AR camera game is pretty neat though.

Not a whole lot of movement above the waist. Slight arm bouncing, quills blowing, stuff like that.

I kinda gave up on anime at the moment. It's really hit a slump hard and I don't know if it'll be digging itself out of this rut anytime soon. So much of it is either fetishes like moe or giant tits, or just shows with bland story and bland characters. K-On's the big shit everyone's freaking out over in Japan right now, which speaks volumes for the rest of the industry... The last show that really had any kind of impression on me was Bakemonogatari, and that was mostly for style. Excluding that, I haven't really dug an anime since I watched Baccano sometime post-Gurren Lagann Movie 1. Thanks for the links though. I'll keep them saved if anything pops out at me next season. EDIT: The new Pokemon anime started and everyone looks hideous. Also Pikachu got reset again. For some reason that always upsets me, but now I'm too focused on Ash's dilated eyes and Officer Jenny looking...awful...that I'm over it. Not that Pokemon is a shining beacon of Japanese animation, I just wanted to complain about ugly cartoons.

Three people IMed me that today. Whenever I hate something hard enough, everyone just forwards all news updates to me so I have something to be happy/cranky about. I'm glad she was finally Dunaway with. Sad because I won't be able to use that joke anymore. I'd like to think it's because no one fucking liked her, neither the audience or press. Each E3 was like "how can we tone this bitch down without outright firing her?" And so this year she was left in Washington to man the livestream after it was all over. She then went back to the kitchen to make Reggie a sandwich, cause dammit, Reggie worked up an appetite fucking all dem bitches he hired to show off the DSi. This is how Nintendo practices actually work.

Where? Which post? I made several. THE BEER D-PAD THING IS REAL. IT'S A REALLY THING THAT WAS REALLY SHOWN IN THE REAL DEMO, REALLY. So...did they work on it for 12 years or 3-4? And when did I ever crunch any numbers? All I said is that they max leveled their WoW characters with the implication that any neckbeard with that much time could have put it towards a project in the hopes of completing it in under a decade. IT IS YOU WHO IS THE TOM, FOOL.

It's different this time because Gearbox is finishing it. And they actually make games. Also you're a jerk EDIT: Also I liked this article: http://www.gamesradar.com/f/why-the-12-year-delay-has-actually-been-good-for-duke-nukem-forever/a-2010090612486464080

FF14 folder > Downloads>ffxivbeta>one of the two folders>metainfo (if the torrent files aren't the latest date, you picked the wrong folder. Also if you haven't been updating regularly you might need to run multiple torrents)

That's because the final boss is Virginity, and no amount of wacking will get rid of it. Go outside, meet bitches, and don't give Square money. That's who you beat FFXIV from what I can tell. It's been doing everything in its power to convince me to not pay money for it. The updater fucking sucks. Open your beta folder and look for the torrent files. The updater froze at 94% the other day for over an hour. Utorrent downloaded the patch in a minute. The interface is clearly designed for gamepads. This is evidenced by the fact that the menus fucking suck, and the game uses a software mouse with awkward lag. The game limits your quests, limits how much you can grind a class, limits item gathering (it literally delays the items entering your inventory after you kill something) and crafting is... I just hate crafting. I wanted to craft a dagger. You need to craft the blade, handle, and glue first. Crafting the handle means crafting the lumber which means finding the right logs (which, of course. Weren't sold at a store. A quest gives random rewards though so I lucked out and got some logs. Woo.) Once I crafted the logs into lumber into a handle (the quest that gave me logs? Required me to craft two more items. So four crafts for a goddamn handle) I was so fed up that I didn't want the goddamn dagger anymore. Oh, and I had to look up recipes myself. There's no official database. It's been days and aside from tools I bought, my character looks the fucking same. Not that I want more equips now; the inventory doesn't let you sort anything! Then outside the main town an ant killed me. I'm level 10 and an ant outside the first town killed me. Luckily there are 3 whole enemies every 10 miles, and more don't spawn until you take the quests. Remember there are 8 quests for 48 hours! Make it count! Switching your main hand weapon/tool changes classes...and wipes out your ability bar. Meaning you need to remap all your attack keys each time you switch unless you go out of your way to type out macros that equip weapons and abilities at the same time. All this, combined with severe stability problems, makes me less than optimistic for the release at the end of the month. There's just too much stuff wrong with it.

Actually it's been reported to be pretty good. It won't give free blowjobs, but I've been reading that it's a competent shooter with stupid/offensive humor. Which is what Duke Nukem was always about anyways. EDIT: "BEER" is mapped to THE ENTIRE D-PAD.

their updater sucks. Go in the FFXIV folder and dig around the metainfo folders for torrent files. Run them in your own torrent tracker. I was stuck updating today's patch at 98.4% for over an hour. Then I downloaded the whole patch through utorrent in a minute.

They did. Then they gave it to an actual developer and not a bunch of nerds distracted by WoW. Seriously, some dude went to their studio for a web show and the guys had huge neckbeards and lv 80 characters. That game probably hadn't been actually worked on for fucking years, man. Now people who actually make games are making it. And it...actually looks kinda good. I'm rooting for it. Not even because I want to play it, just out of principle. ULWAYZ BET ON DOOK.

I'm at Lindblum or whatever at Uh'something or other. Also, here's something retarded for you: The client? It's shite. It crashed 8 times today. I'd play and get that lovely "windows is sending a report to find out why your program had a stroke!" message. Except I was in the middle of a timed quest. When I reconnected a minute later? It counted as a fail. Now I have to wait 2 whole days to retry it. I was going to get my first non-tool equip from that quest. I've been in the starting armor for hours now because the game doesn't sell you anything besides crafting materials. Now I have to wait 2 days for a bloody hat. If it doesn't crash then either. Way to convince me to pay you a monthly fee, Square. You only let certain people report shit too, so I can't even bitch at you about how much I dislike the giant middle finger your gave me.

Yea, I've been playing it for a little bit. Naturally as a beta it's buggy but...damn...getting frustrated here. Game glitches, server errors...ah well. my dude's name is Ezio Lacroix if you want to babysit me as I fumble through all this weird MMO stuff. Though I might make one of those adorable midget things.

Not as complicated as my foot so far up yer ass it pops out of your mouth, either >:T

...to tonight, that is. 1 Hour, to be specific. The servers are going up right now, and if you registered an S-E account (and set it up for their Crysta funnymoney system) you should be getting a code to get in within the next hour. Until then, download the client and make sure you're all updated (it's a pretty large patch) EDIT: So even though it's an Open Beta, you still need a code! So you need to go to their FFXVI page, apply for a code, pray the service works (it won't. Applications are suspended right now. "Open" beta indeed) then use that code on your S-E account page, THEN you can log on. This is more complicated than an Open Beta should be.

The plot introduces a lot of things...then drops them right away and introduces something else, and nothing really gets concluded except for another subplot introduced in the last hour. The Deleter subplot is totally forgotten and never resolved, and they make that out to be the central conflict at one point. The next thing I knew, everyone was flying back home and I just thought "...wait. What about all that other stuff? Where are you going? Get back here! This isn't an ending!" I've never accidentally reached the end credits of a game before. If you played Fusion, you know at least one of the characters isn't going to make it, so there's your backstory. Everything else is explained either in the manga or the other games. But even when that character dies, I didn't even realize it was happening. I'm not even sure if it's relevant since there are about five other things going on. Actually a lot of characters die and the game is just like "oops. Well that happened." And of course there are Metroids. When the game isn't wasting time with bad writing, it's shoving every Metroid reference it possibly can at you. Power bombing a glass passage, shooting those ring lasers from Tourian...I think the only major thing that doesn't make a comeback in Kraid. The final boss is also a really nice surprise if you're super familiar with the series. (The main story's final boss, that is. After the credits there's a second mission for getting all the items and fighting one more throwback boss.) It just throws in every reference it can, which is awesome, but you need to put up with some janky gameplay and story to get to it. Final final final verdict just to get the sand out of my vagina and let other people talk: It's got a lot of fun moments, but everything has a flaw. The controls are crummy, the locales lack atmosphere, the art direction looks worse than Prime 1, there are probably three whole music tracks, and the story's just bad. But it's still REALLY cool to see a Nintendo character pry open an alien's mouth, stick a gun in, and blow it's brains out, and it's the first time Nintendo actually gave a fuck about story outside of their clutsterfuck of a Zelda timeline, so it's worth at least trying. Rent it. You might like it, you might hate it. It's pretty divisive so you might not want to gamble $50. I think Games Radar's review covers it best (and it's got a sweet montage of Samus tearing everything to shreds): http://www.gamesradar.com/wii/metroid-other-m/review/metroid-other-m-super-review/a-2010082791244315085/g-20090602105555875007

Aerosol: "mother" is a theme in the series. Samus has none, but she's the "mother" of the baby Metroid. Also Mother Brain. It comes up in Other M another time, but not till the very end. Also, the whole game, Samus says "THE BABY THE BABY THE BABY OH GOD THE BABY". So yea, maternity and shit. @tentril: the manga (which is, surprisingly, canon) shows Samus's parents being killed, Samus being adopted by Chozo, etc. The original Prime and Zero Mission were all over the whole Chozo thing. Can't miss it.

You'd think after killing Ridley twice (five times if you count the Prime games!) Samus wouldn't be afraid of him. I'll just say that if she acted the way she did during that fight as she did in Metroid 1, she would have been killed. She literally would not win that fight. And seeing how this game makes a big deal about canon, it's kind of a problem when your battle hardened warrior is literally whimpering. I won't get started on Adam, but I'll just say that he makes you march through three long hallways filled with lava before he lets you have the Varia Suit. Samus is totally okay with this (make up your own joke here about women doing what you tell them to do.) That's what happens when you start working on story and cutscenes BEFORE gameplay. It doesn't help when your director demands you to shoehorn controls to a very limited setup because he's a stubborn little bitch. Reading some of the things in Iwata Asks raised a lot of "wait...he did what?!" moments.

There's no "The" in the title. Stop that. Right now >:V Beat it a few days ago. It's gameplay is pretty flawed (first person mode is royally FUCKED. Level design is shallow. Power-ups are all repeats and given to you in a lazy fasion), the story's pretty bad (bad plot, bad dialog, boring characters), there's hardly any music, and the art direction lacks the detail and atmosphere that made Retro's worlds so dense and beautiful. And...Samus...what have they done to you my darling? Why are you crying? What happened to the woman who destroyed planets, space stations, and several alien species on a daily basis? Why are you so pathetic? You even have an emotional breakdown when attacked by your old nemesis! Really disappointing. There's fun to be had, sure, but when nearly every aspect of the game (controls, graphics, audio, story) has a glaring flaw, it really adds up. I didn't feel particularly fulfilled when I got 100% like the other Metroids. I was a big defender of the game for the past year, so I feel really let down here. I'd give it about a C-

Shut up. It's a serious condition. Growing up, my hand was shaped like a boo and I had six fingers. I had to get surgery to reshape my hands and remove my extra fingers because of people like you who kept bringing it up. Way to cut open those wounds jerk ;_______________;